youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
