We named our party play list daddy issues
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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