its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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