he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize