dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize