it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
