Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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