Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
