My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
