Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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