just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
