exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize