i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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