I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
