Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that may or may not have been my penis.
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