Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
