so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
