nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
