I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
