Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
