I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
