It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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