Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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