take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let's get the cat blown out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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