so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
