it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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