I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
