I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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