I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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