I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
