In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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