im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
