I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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