; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize