i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i out mim tonsoeep
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