the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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