ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
