Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
