I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
