I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
