What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
