He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
