i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
