just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
