amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
