I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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