I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
