Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
