I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
