i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
