You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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