my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
