I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
