this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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