hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I currently don't understand fingers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
