Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
