i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
