bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
