i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
