Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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