I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
