i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
