She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
