the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
