i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
