sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
