Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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