she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
