i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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