we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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