you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize