You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it hurts more in the daytime
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
