if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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