I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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